i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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