I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want her autograph on my taint
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
