I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
