well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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