We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
