Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
