I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
