YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
