Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
