ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
