Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
