Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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