Where did you get a picture of my penis
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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