just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
