I'm lost and stupid without you.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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