Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
