I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
