Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
