yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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