Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
