If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
