The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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