First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
