You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
