My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
