He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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