he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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