But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
