I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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