You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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