is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
