If i come over, it means nothing
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
