Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
