So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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