I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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