Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I understand Curling. That high.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
