I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
