Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
