I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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