dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
