this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
