I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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