I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
