How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
