I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
