Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
