I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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