I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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