Your dad touched me again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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