i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
