420 ftw
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
