my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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