im so drunk with asians
where?
always
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
