first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
