I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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