I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
